We live in a world that is run by the powerful fuel called ambition. Whether it is focused on getting the guy or whether it is focused on getting the job, ambition remains a powerful substance. If you have it, you feel it pulsing in every nerve of your body.
It can be so powerful that it can dictate your every move, your every decision and ultimately it can land you that guy you have been hung up on (believe me it is possible) or the job you have been dreaming of since childhood.
If you find yourself in the predicament of either having to choose one or the other, something is out of balance and you have got to figure out what it is and how you are going to deal with it – either he is expecting you to shove your dream in a box (or boxes, if you are as ambitious as I am) or your dream is so big that it is calling for you to sacrifice your relationship with him.
The latter happened to me. Although the dream turned a corner in my case, it all worked out for the better: the innocent victim of an ambitious woman turned out to be a cheater – surprise, surprise.
No matter which one it is, the reality of the matter is, many times you will be called upon to make a choice and it is important that you weigh each option and base the decision on all the information that you have at hand.
Here are two things you have to take to into consideration when you find yourself at this crossroad:
Chasing the dream guy
First of all, why is he running? Is he running because you are not paying enough attention to him or is he running because he is intimidated by your ability to dream independently from him? If he really loves you, he will not make you choose.
Instead of running away from you, he will run to you and fight for you. He will tell you when he is unhappy or unsatisfied and then the both of you can figure out a system of working things out together.
Chasing a guy because he feels neglected or because your dream career makes him feel insecure will only end in heartache – for you both, and frankly it is humiliating and exhausting. A man of character and dignity, a man that is truly worth your beautiful heart, will not run away – remember that.
If you do decide to run after him, you will find the dynamics have drastically changed. He might smooth things over for the next few months, trying to persuade you into thinking you made the right decision.
Nevertheless, you will eventually find that your independence and free will has slowly been sucked out of you and you will find yourself in a position of submission. You might be present physically, but your heart and soul will always be somewhere else.
If this happens, he clearly was not the one and you have to remind yourself that there is always a way out; there is always a way to start over.
Chasing the dream job
The thing that will cause you to be labelled as “selfish and obnoxious.” Yes, chasing a dream will open endless doors of criticism by people who cannot fathom how you are able to choose a career over a life with a husband that comes home to a white picket fence, filled with equally divided boys and girls – when they secretly envy you for being bold enough to go after what you want in life.
How can they not? If you have a dream as big and as bold as that, and all you want to do is take your job and make a difference; you want to be admirable in what you do and you hope to inspire others with your actions – people will notice.
People do not, however, notice that you carry around buckets of your sweat and tears; buckets that are filled to the brim with all the hours over the years you have put into your work and your dream, in order to hone your passion and skill.
If that makes you selfish, so be it. You are allowed to be selfish when it comes to your dream – for too long women have been forced to prim themselves and sit still while they are featured as a trophy instead of an equal.
On the other hand, if the dream starts becoming your god, dictating every aspect of your life – so much that all the other relationships becomes nonchalant and insignificant – you need to be able to stop and consider how toxic this can be, not only for the people around you, but also yourself.
Take note that dreams are too fickle and can change at any given moment – ask me. If it were up to me I would have been a famous actress and director in Hollywood by now, yet life threw its curveballs and it did not pan out as I had always dreamed it would. Instead I learned countless lessons about life and the danger of getting lost in the fantasy of a dream.
That is not to say that I have given up on my love of acting and directing, but I have grown to see that there is more to life and I have to be open to it. I lost too much in my years daydreaming of my glamorous life in Hollywood – memories never made, friends never saved and lovers never loved.
Read also – 7 Career Struggles Women Face Today
This life is extraordinarily beautiful, but it is also extremely short. You have to choose wisely how you spent your time. Do you want a life filled with the adventure of true love and all it has to offer? Or do you want a life spent purposely working towards a better future?
You can have both, but you cannot do both with the same amount of effort expecting both to bloom in abundance and grace. Always remember the right ones – both the guy and the dream – will not make you choose. It all boils down to making the most of what you have been given; do not be afraid to grow.