Women tend to have a lot of ‘what if’ in life. We all have that someone who we wish we can turn back time and see what if it did not happen, or what if we did not say that? Would it have changed something?
Maybe for me, he was never an ex, not the one who got away, just an almost-something, almost maybe, the biggest what if but never the answer to my questions.
No matter how many years have passed, he is the one person who can make all the feelings come back just by a sight of him, only because I keep on asking myself what went wrong.
Why do we have a hard time forgetting someone?
Maybe the heart will never forget because it is where love was cultivated. It is where it hurts the most too and with a love and pain like that, how can I forget and truly say it moved on?
I have always been a fan of all the romantic ideas, maybe because what is cliche feels perfect, and human loves the idea of perfection, but as soon as the grandeur of all those things starts to fade, I can feel that wrenching part inside of me, because if all good things must come to an end, why would it had to be that short? It seems unfair and cruel.
Every time we meet someone, we hold on to what seems like forever, without realizing that it was just a borrowed time, we grasped on to it like a dream and relish it, but not having too much time to say everything we want.
When I met that person, I knew we could never be together, but I wanted to just be there for him, come what may, even if circumstances pulled us apart and even if he was the one to break my heart.
Maybe things would have gone differently if and only if I did not show him I care. I cared enough it became a flaw. I still have a lot of questions in my mind that will never be answered all because we stopped talking already.
Will he still be the friend I have at first? That one person who I can talk to for hours and never get bored no matter how silly and crazy our conversation goes. Maybe he can’t recall but I would fight sleepiness just to be able to talk to him at night, and I do not even want it to end every single time.
I did not even know it was a struggle to hear him talking even if he keeps on talking about this one girl that broke his heart and in between I have fallen because I wanted to fix him when I myself was being broken too.
When you love a lost boy, you become a lost girl too
Out of all that happened, I realized that you can’t fix a person who does not want to be fixed. You can’t expect love from someone who only sees you as a good friend.
Not that you are not capable of being loved in return, women like us deserved every love and attention we desire and if we risked getting hurt with a wrong person, at least we learned a lesson.
Our ‘what if’ in our lives will not go in vain, they will forever remind us that we loved once and we will still love in the future.
Unlike in Adele’s song, never mind I will not find someone like you. Girls like us should keep going on. We deserve the love we do not have to doubt. We deserve the love we keep on giving away.