Indecisiveness can drive a lot of people crazy during relationships. Being hesitant or unable to make a resolute offering about where to go to dinner, what movie to watch, or even where to go puts a strain on even the most enamored of lovers.
You might find yourself completely in love with your man but flustered too. You ask yourself: Why hasn’t he proposed to me yet? Turns out, his indecision about marriage might be worse for you and your relationship than originally planned.
Everything else is good
Looking at what makes a decent relationship – communication, laughter, selflessness, and compassion – you might have all the boxes checked off. You two can practically talk about anything, except for marriage, and he is willing to listen and offer constructive ideas.
You laugh together, and when apart you laugh at memories. The two of you would rather spend the day together in PJs in front of Netflix, having a personal pizza party, than “date.” You are living a quasi-married life.
So why is the proposal still just an idea? Does he dodge the question when you ask him about marriage-related topics? How does he react? Is it passive-aggressive?
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Get to the root of the problem
Because something is wrong. Not deciding on anything might be a common practice of his out of fear of conflict with you. Yes, disagreeing with the person you love can be a totally horrific experience, especially when it results in a drawn-out altercation.
When it comes to the passive-aggressive individual, the inability or even the selfish need to protect themselves from potential rejection on any level becomes a safety blanket. No concrete answers or situations means that neither negatives nor positives can happen.
Have you ever given him a reason to fear you might say no? If not, you might have to take a step back from this to see the bigger picture.
You are living in an inauthentic relationship
Put those middle fingers down. I have not finished yet. Beyond indecisiveness is an individual that does not know how to deal with opinions and squelches off your own strength to sustain theirs. They are fine with doing what you want because they do not know what they want.
They are cool with falling into a boring routine because they do not have to make any decisions. They will happily go the easy route, even if it means causing those and themselves pain. Half-hearted agreements out of convenience suck the energy of those making and receiving them.
Maybe you are okay with marrying someone who relies on you to make 100% of every important decision. But here is the problem with that: marriage is a big deal.
The two of you need to know you are good enough, adult enough, complete enough to handle it. Yet you have someone stealing your time and patience with a mediocre display of love.
He might think he is inferior when compared to you. Thus, he is willing to be somewhat mindless and heartless for your sake. However, that is not a healthy relationship. The bond will begin to sour if you two are not balanced. You might be domineering without ever realizing it.
Think back for a second about all of the arguments you have ever had as a couple. There is a large chance that it was you who got impatient or frustrated with getting excuses or stoicism.
You poured your emotions into him, let him know exactly how you felt, and the response to this onslaught of feelings probably bounced off his shield. He shut down during these quarrels, didn’t he? And you were left feeling horrible because of it.
Fear is tearing you apart
Without an answer from your partner, you begin to sink beneath a flood of fear. You are troubled by doubts of what he is really doing in his spare time. Because you never get an actual response, you might let your imagination spin out of control.
You overthink what could be wrong with the relationship to prevent him from showing you a ring and whispering the four words that can change your life forever. His indecision has literally built a wall between the two of you. Now you are in a pocket of stale air. The oxygen inside will not sustain you forever.
Read also – 7 Signs He Is About to Propose
This is not a call to end the relationship. You simply need to stop this cycle of answerless questions and fear of rejection. If the two of you cannot hash out what the matter is, then your relationship was never meant to go beyond the stages of sharing an apartment together.
Someone who loves you from the bottom of their heart will not have to second-guess your commitment to the relationship. Someone who knows you, truly, will not fear the result of the proposal. Because when two people are in love, they can accept whatever is thrown their way.