Let us all take a moment to just sit down and admit to ourselves that when it comes to the whole “love” and being in love concept, we hardly ever know what we are doing. We just dubiously dabble and then, if you are like me, reject before you get rejected.
We try, we fail, we try again, hoping the outcome and result will differentiate from the previous one. Yet, we long for that one relationship that will set fire to our souls, ignite our hearts and give us the wings to soar fearlessly and effortlessly in our everyday life.
So, we put ourselves out there, recklessly jumping off the cliff into the vast ocean of the dating world, hoping we might catch our fish. You see one that looks appealing, he swims the right way, talks in a way that increases that hunger of companionship inside you and makes you want to leap out of the ocean in joy – finally feeling that you have found your unique fish that was made just for you.
However, what do you do once you realize that you might not have been as hungry or ready to try that particular fish, despite him swimming eagerly in your direction? This can be a quite disappointing revelation and you might feel utterly confused at your sudden loss of appetite.
Yet, instead of indulging yourself and wrongfully using the person who is falling in love with you out of guilt, you need to be able to center yourself and find out what the reason behind your reluctance to love again is. Here are three reasons you might not be ready to accept his love:
1. Knowing the truth by the way it feels
Never, ever doubt your instinct. We have to remember that love – alongside lust – is blinding. We look at a guy and he checks all the boxes. Intellectually he is stimulating, emotionally he is mature and involved, he might have the same beliefs and value system that you have and he might even be physically all you have ever wanted. Yet, despite this, the inner stirring within your heart tells you something is amiss.
If you feel unsure, try and figure out what the reason behind your doubt is. Is it due to the fear of getting hurt, of committing or the possibility of losing yourself in the process of loving? Or, is it due to some quality that you consciously might have missed and that your subconscious mind knows will eventually be something that will lead to dire and heartbreaking consequences?
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2. Perhaps you are not ready to fly yet
We are all caterpillars growing into who we should be and what we eventually want in life and love. Perhaps your time to break out and fly towards love has not arrived yet. We have to remember that all of us are always looking for some form of escape towards a life and love of adventure and yes, occasionally we find it in another person.
However, are we ready to love and commit to that person completely? Can we say that we have grown and learned enough to break-free and risk having wings not yet strong enough to carry not only us but also the man that loves us? We have to make sure that we are at a place where we can take that flight with someone hand in hand? Not one, and this includes you, walking – or in this case, flying – a little behind the other.
I have been the one to love and not be loved in return, as well as the one who was loved by someone I did not love back, and I honestly do not know which is the worst. To know that I experienced the disillusionment of a broken heart or the awareness that I was the torturer of another’s heart.
3. Ulcer of unworthiness
When we are insecure and feel unworthy we either do one of two extremes. We either run recklessly into the arms of someone who also lacks the ability to see our worth and values and ceaselessly tear us apart. Or, we run away from something that is absolutely and mind-blowingly good, feeling as if we are unworthy and undeserving of such a fairy-tale love story.
Our feelings of unworthiness can stem from a childhood filled with abuse – seeing or experiencing it. It can be rooted in the fact that you feel you have made too many mistakes in your life and as such, have doubts about your right to find and experience true love. Or, it can merely be the fact that you have previously been in a toxic relationship where the person never functioned you with the oil of your worthiness.
Now, you are choosing to run away not wanting to believe that you are magic, madness, fire and an artwork that will bring light to his life. Do you not see how you deserve that blazing love? Why do we so easily define ourselves and box ourselves in by our past?
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We are not our past, nor where we come from, our names, our gender or age – we are who we set out to be, a decision that is made here and now. Choose now to find and capture your worth and allow others to see and love it too. Be bold and unapologetic.
Perhaps, it is your time to be brave and love again. It might also be your time to take some steps alone and to figure out what you really want, where you need to go and who you need to be.
You cannot look for your identity, your purpose or your worth in someone else – it is only found in you. Tell your heart to be patient. Soulmates have a tendency to meet each other, for they have the same hiding place. Serendipity – let it find you.