Imagine feeling as if your very emotions were the enemy. As if everything you felt was a lie. Or maybe, you are numb down to the core of your existence. A girl who is afraid of her own heart runs into many struggles throughout life.
1. People misconstrue her for a million things she is not
No, she isn’t just some unfeeling ice queen. She is a survivor, but she doesn’t realize it. Chances are this girl has grown this steely exterior as a result of something traumatic. In the past, she may have been bullied or alienated from others. Perhaps, she was the black sheep of the family.
Or maybe, this girl has seen the darkest reaches of humanity, has been torn by society, and left bleeding. Alone she patched herself up, and despite all the scars, all the hurt that she has experienced, this girl lives on.
She won’t tell anyone of her struggles because she might now view these damaging moments as a weakness. Not feeling anything is better than feeling the pain that endures in memories.
So if you are questing the walls or the “shell,” that encases this girl, don’t. Attempting to pry her open will only enshroud her more deeply inside her own mind. She will retreat from you. It’s not because she has no sense of trust in others.
2. She is afraid of letting others in
She doesn’t trust herself. Emotions might have been the very thing that caused her pain in the first place. At the end of the day, she reflects on the past. She recalls the moments where others may not and wonders why she has such a good memory of times when things went wrong. The sum of all these moments weighs heavily on this girl.
3. She fears that she may not have a purpose
Questions bubble up into her mind. All of her insecurities housed within her caged heart coming knocking – and so her thoughts offer little solace from an overactive imagination.
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4. She is a book written in a language you can’t understand
Sometimes, she doesn’t even understand herself. There are days when this girl who fears emotions believes that she is invincible. Great triumphs come her way because she is a diligent, responsible worker.
Drama rarely impedes her efforts. However, you will not get much further than the person who she lets other people see. You might never crack the code that makes her feel comfortable enough to discuss more personal matters with you.
You may very well find yourself playing a perpetual guessing game. In the end, a girl who is afraid of her own heart ends up forcing other hearts away. However, she is also grateful to those resilient souls who choose to stay warm loyal despite the cold she sometimes cannot control.
But there will be times when you look at her and see a little girl standing in the pouring rain with a wistful look in her wise eyes.
5. She has lost something another way, and she is hesitant to go out searching for it
Yet, she will also never stop looking. Whatever caused her to fear stole her emotions too. She will never cease the quest to regain that precious sliver of herself, even though she might not remember that she is the one who removed those emotions from sight for safe-keeping.
6. Deep down, she is a hopeless romantic
Deep down, she still believes in the power of true love. Yes, a girl who is afraid of her own heart is secretly an optimist. She will never tell you that every day is thought of as a gift until every other struggle has been assuaged.
There are days that go by when she looks in the mirror and wonders why she is not someone else or somewhere else. But she refuses to give into these negative thoughts and emotions because she doesn’t need them.
7. Beyond the stony mask, she is a beautiful soul
And if there is one thing she would confess to you if the idea did not mortify her is that when she smiles, you should see the fire of her pure heart burning within.
When you do, you will know that she loves you, loves this moment, and will keep on doing her best for those she cares for. Because every struggle this girl faces has inspired her to stay strong despite the uncertainty.