Parents taught us that being selfish is something utterly bad and disgraceful and all our life we live suppressing the desire to put ourselves first. Indeed, if you want to cooperate with people effectively you should consider their needs. Being selfish means doing something that brings you satisfaction, helps to achieve a result or bring benefit. It also means that your act might be harmful to others. But what about certain situations when your own needs should be the first priority? I think about selfishness each time I face a choice: to please others or to do something for myself. My inner voice tells me to choose the last one. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not justifying selfish people, but there are certain situations in life when being selfish is absolutely okay.
1. When you want to end your toxic relationship
You stay in toxic relationship for the sake of your partner only. It literally means that hurting his feelings is bad while hurting your own feelings is absolutely okay. However hard you may try to save the situation, toxic relationships are always doomed. So the earlier you break up the more time you’ll save. Trust me, your guy feels your indifference, pretense and torments and most probably both of you will feel better separately. Don’t regret the wasted time, make advantage of the experience and start a new life alone.
2. When you want to stay at home
Being at home alone is very important to me since I need some me time to recover after a busy week and just enjoy the sanity and silence of my home. But I have some friends who try to get me out to save their evening. I bet every person has a super social fellow who enjoys loud music late at night or who just keeps talking too much. I’ve realized that I don’t have to think up any excuses or lie about how busy I am. ‘I don’t want’ is already a good reason to stay at home. Moreover, you should feel okay to limit your communication with people who bring you down.
3. When you don’t want to celebrate holidays
Each time it comes to my birthday or Christmas or any other big holiday, I feel a little bit stressed. When I grew up I started valuing my time. I know that there are some people in my life I want to spend time with. And it would be very dishonest to pretend that I’m happy to see all those kinsfolk and fellows when in reality I’m not. I’ve been celebrating my birthday with my nearest and dearest only for many years. People resented not being invited to celebrate and I really felt guilty at first. But after all, it’s my holiday and I want to spend it with my close people.
4. When you want to change your job
When you have a really good job and a good boss and colleagues, you might find it dishonest to quit your job. The feeling of guilt and betrayal is even stronger if you plan to leave during a busy period or if you’re a valuable employee. You put off the decision till the next month and the situation repeats over and over. Even though it feels awfully uneasy, you should be determined when it comes to your future. Once you make a decision, you should stick to it.
Read also – 7 Reasons Why It’s So Important to Love Yourself
5. When you feel like a people pleaser
Being a people pleaser means you want everyone around you to be satisfied and happy, even at the cost of your own happiness. Perhaps, you just don’t want to face disappointment and resentment. But each time you satisfy somebody else’s needs you became futher from meeting your own happiness. Learn to say ‘No’ and start doing something for yourself. When you free yourself from manipulations, you’ll feel better both physically and emotionally. You won’t be so overwhelmed with tasks and you’ll have more time for yourself.
6. When someone’s using your items
I faced this problem when I shared a room with my dormmate. Some people find it acceptable to share their clothes, cosmetics and personal items with their friends, while others cannot accept that. So I’m exactly the person that cannot stand when other people take my things, especially without asking me. When you don’t want your friend to use your things it doesn’t mean you’re greedy and selfish. It means that some things cannot be shared at all. Try to talk to your roommate and establish certain boundaries. In this case you’re not selfish, you just define your comfort zone.
7. When you need a pick-me-up
Finally, it’s okay to be a little bit selfish when you really need help and support. Very often people tend to hold in their feelings and not to burden their friends with their problems. It’s an utterly wrong attitude. Friendship cannot be one-sided, otherwise it will certainly lead to breakdown. After all, friends exist to support you and lend a helping hand when you’re down. True relationship is about giving and receiving from both parties. So when you feel bad, don’t be afraid to call your friend and ask for a heart-to-heart talk.
Certainly, you shouldn’t be totally indifferent to other people. Going from one extreme to another is also unhealthy. Find a reasonable middle and stick to it. A healthy selfishness can significantly improve the quality of your life and your well-being. Being selfish every now and then is a sure way to happiness and wisdom.