Marriage is one of the hardest things that you will ever experience in life and there are bound to be times when you have to stop and reevaluate your situation and make adjustments as needed. One area that you need to monitor closely is how you and your spouse deal with conflict.
Disagreements are sure to arise anytime you have more than one person in a relationship, that’s a given. However, there are healthy and unhealthy ways to handle it and, more to the point, there are things you should never tolerate in your life.
Verbal abuse is described as a statement that’s negative in nature being told to the victim or even just about the victim that may define the target as worthless. Taken at its definition, it is not necessarily like you see in movies where one person is screaming at another, it could be much subtler. If you feel that you may be dealing with verbal abuse, here are four ways to handle it.
1. Take a long look at your marriage
When you argue with your spouse, do you find yourself crying in the end? Do you exchange insult for an insult? Do you both shout or is it just him? Make sure that your perception is not clouded, stick to the facts without emotion. You may come to the realization that you give just as much as you take. In that case, you both may need to adjust your reactions to conflict.
2. Seek counseling
Sitting down with a professional can bring clarity and resolution to marriage issues that may not be reached otherwise. Approach your spouse about getting help when you are not in the middle of a fight.
Let him know he will not be attacked during the session, you just think it would help to have someone walk you both through reoccurring issues. This is a much better alternative to divorce if you feel like your spouse would be open to it and if you think his anger issue could be managed.
3. Do not take it
If you are in the middle of an argument and you see that your spouse is starting to get upset, try to diffuse the situation or just walk out. You do not have to sit there and let him yell at you. Get away for a while so you can both cool down and get tempers under control.
4. Know when it is time to give up
Unfortunately, there are times when it is best to walk away from your marriage for your own safety and well-being. Only you will know when that time is, but if and when it comes, please take action for your own sake. You should not be forced to live in fear or to always feel bullied by your spouse.
Verbal abuse is a real issue and one that should not be ignored. Talk to your spouse about it in a calm manner. Hopefully, he will be willing to seek help and this can be the start of a new beginning in your marriage. Either way, let this be the start of a new chapter for you – free from verbal abuse.
Note: The author of this article is not a professional counselor and does not claim to be an expert in the field of abuse. If you feel like you are in danger or are being abused, please seek help immediately.