What happens when your life comes crashing down? All dreams, hopes, and plans for your relationship get flushed down the drain, right? Breakups are a lot like building a large castle and watching the sea wash it away in the blink of an eye.
What about your beautiful unborn children and all the time and energy you had put into a relationship you thought will last forever?
What do you normally do after a breakup? Do you curl on your sofa watching sappy romantic movies while drowning in your tears and shoving large spoons of ice-cream into your lips hoping that perhaps the sweetness of the taste will gladden your heart? Or do you break a few of your plates and furniture?
We all deal with breakups differently, but here are a few tips that are likely to help you move away from self-pity and heartache like a boss lady.
The first step towards moving away from anything is accepting the fact that it has happened. Many people find it so hard to move away from a bad breakup because they keep giving excuses like “maybe he just needs a break” or “maybe he will soon come around.”
Refusing to acknowledge that a relationship has ended is a lot like being stuck in the middle of an ocean without a paddle. You will move nowhere. Though accepting is hard, it can’t be more difficult than expecting a snowman on a hot summer day.
2. Stay away from self-blame and pity
Easier said than done, but you have to learn that bad breakups do happen and it is not your fault. Did your ex-tell you that he left you because you are too fat, too demanding or too intimidating? Well, the first thing you need to know about people with an inferiority complex is they tend to put others down to feel great.
Blaming yourself for a breakup is a lot like beating up yourself for how the weather turns out. At this stage more than any other stage, you have to know your worth and keep the fingers you keep pointing at yourself away.
If at all, you want to change anything about you, You should do it for you. Not because someone thinks you are not good enough and it all becomes worse if that someone turns out to be you.
3. Hang out with your friends
Go out on a date with your girlfriends. Go partying or watch a movie or shopping or whatever makes you happy. Have fun and remind yourself that even though your heart is aching and you are still in love there is still so much you can do. Hanging out with your friends will help you stop overthinking and will keep your insecurities at bay.
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4. Do not stay friends with him
A popular line you hear after most breakups is ‘we can still be friends.’ Do not fall into that trap no matter how tempting it seems. Even if you were best friends before, it does not matter. It will not be good for you and it will make it almost impossible to move on.
Staying in a ‘friendship‘ with a person after breaking up seems like locking yourself in a room with a hungry lion. You need to distance yourself not only mentally but physically.
Avoid running into a person, avoid phone calls and chatting with the person. Or else you keep going in circles, moving but never truly getting anywhere. Remember, you are a boss lady?
5. Avoid jumping into a new relationship
You know what is as terrible as a bad breakup? A rebound. Jumping into a new relationship too quickly forget another person is a terrible idea, it is just not bad for you but bad for the other person as well. You may end up hurting you both. Give yourself time to heal before moving to a new chapter.
6. Discover your true self
Although this may not be clear at the moment, a bad breakup sometimes gives room for self-discovery. Use that period for something positive, such as changing things you do not like about yourself or discovering new things about yourself.
Travel if you have the opportunity to, make plans to start going to the gym if you want to, go to the beach, ride a horse, learn how to cook or go to that poetry jam you were invited to if it interests you.
Do not drag yourself back. If you give yourself a chance, you will be amazed at all the things you will discover.
7. Never look back
No matter how amazing the relationship was, do not keep going back to it. Do not call him. Do not visit his apartment and do not check up on him at work.
The last thing you need after a bad breakup is giving the person more power over you or letting them know how much they still control your life. Remember, you are in control of your life now.
8. Be open to new possibilities
Although it is advisable not to jump into a new relationship immediately after a breakup, You should try hard to keep yourself emotionally available. It is okay to heal in your own time, but also know the difference between healing and refusing to open up to new possibilities.
It may be difficult staying open and positive in such situations especially if you have been hurt badly, but it helps a lot. Sometimes, life throws gifts along our way when we are not looking.
And remember, not all people are the same as cliché as it sounds. Maybe the next good thing is right around the corner.
After a breakup, you need to give yourself time to heal when at the same trying so hard to reclaim your life, your heart and your peace or else you let the person that hurt you win in ways more than one. Always remember that you are the boss of your life and no amount of heartbreak can change that.