I do not care if you are male or female or trans. Being in the friend zone sucks for anyone who has experienced it. Once or multiple times, the feeling of being relegated to the friend zone, even when your heart and soul are devoted to that one human, can be devastating. Yet, once in awhile, when contemplating your situation, take a moment to remember these ten tiny truths about being in the friend zone.
1. The friend zone exists
So many people like to exclaim, “there is no such thing as a friend zone, you are just being delusional or a scaredy-cat.” But, in actuality, the dreaded zone of being forever thought of as a friend or like a sibling is very real. It is a sad place to be (sorry), and causes a lot of bitterness and resentment to those who get placed there repeatedly.
2. You put yourself in the friend zone
If you do not try to win their affection, you will never know if it could have been yours. The fear of rejection or coming on too strongly is what puts a lot of people in the friend zone without them realizing.
Look, people love it when a confident suitor approaches them and says, respectfully, “How about we go on a date sometime?” Confidence does not always equal jerkiness. But timidity and indecision does equal the friend zone.
3. You might just be a question away
Really, there is this 10 word question that you probably have not asked yet. Once you say it, though, magic happens. Usually. Anyway, it goes like this: “Would you like to go on a date with me?” I know, it is scary, right? What if the apple of your eye says no? What if that ruins all sense of emotional intimacy you have with this person?
But here is the thing: if you get rejected, nothing is written in the rule books of human relationships that says, “Thou hath be rejected, and thus exiled from the proximity of the rejector.”
Besides, a true friend will not get weirded out by an honest question. In fact, they might be relieved to get such a straightforward inquiry, especially if they go for more confident people. So be confident, and give it a try.
4. Friend-zoning happens to everyone
It does not matter who you are and where you come from. People psychologically place others in the friend zone all the time, unthinkingly. Beyond the biochemistry of attraction, there are personal values and dreams that come into consideration.
While you might be upset for being called a friend, the individual might be thinking that having you in the friend zone is better than losing you altogether due to life obligations and complications.
5. You friend zone people too
Had to say it. Think of all the people in your life that you shrugged off because it just would not work out. Whether you remained friends or not was up to you. So next time you find yourself on the outside looking in and asking why, consider how you treated the last person you rejected.
6. The friend zone is not always bad
I mean, you get to be in the company of an incredible human being. So what if that means there is no physical intimacy? You can still have a fulfilling relationship with them and enjoy their presence.
It might be difficult at first, but if you really care, there are perks of friendship, like knowing the true person, their quirks, likes and dislikes, that a boyfriend or girlfriend may not know for months or years into the relationship.
7. You can be an amazing friend
That is the number one benefit to being in the friend zone. Not only do you have the unfaltering friendship and trust of someone, but you can be that for them as well. Whenever they are in a bind, you will be one of the first people they call.
Whenever they are crying because someone hurt their feelings, you will be their shoulder to cry on. You can go on friend-dates, enjoy parties, and never have to worry about putting on a show for one another’s family.
8. Netflix and Chill mean just that
Seriously, sometimes this whole emphasis of getting physically when all you want is to eat popcorn and laugh so hard you snort around another person is really maddening. Anyone will value a person who understands that and does not ask for anything else.
9. Your friendship will last longer
Because you two will get along so well and understand each other on a molecular level over time, your friendship will generally outlast relationships. You will begin to understand the facial expressions and verbiage of your friend in ways no one else does. And within that understanding of one another, something else might form. Something called love.
10. Persistence can pay off
Yes, being in the friend zone for lengthy periods of time can suck, especially when you just want to climb up the tallest skyscraper in your city and shout, “I love you!” But there is something to be said for those who stick it out, who never waver in their intentions, and who commit to cultivating the components of friendship that eventually lead up to love. A friendship is an unspoken promise of “maybe someday.” So stay patient. Persistence can pay off.
You might find yourself in a friend zone tomorrow. That does not mean the end of the world for your potential relationship. You may have simply put yourself there, so always be proactive and ask about a date first. Afterwards, if both of you still enjoy each other’s company, try to be patient. Stick around, and be an awesome friend. Because friendship is a pleasure so often underestimated.