So let me level with you. I have never dated a pushover. Far from it. But I have been that pushover many times in my past. Today I am happily a reformed character, but I have not forgotten what life used to be like for me.
The thing about pushovers is that they want your approval.They need to be liked. So they bend over backwards to please you, for as long as they can manage to. At first, you might think all your Christmases have come at once. You get everything your own way with no resistance. But there are two problems lurking on the horizon.
Firstly, your pushover partner is not showing you their real selves. In short, you are dating a fictional character, not the real person who plays that role. Secondly, at some point the mask will fall off. That person you thought you knew will reach a point where they can no longer sustain being nice all the time. They might snap at you, or they might leave the relationship.
If you think you might be dating a pushover, then consider helping them to be a little more open and honest with you. Trust me, they are doing their best, they are just a bit misguided. Encourage them to be themselves and you will have a more honest and healthy relationship. But how will you know? Here are eight typical signs you might be dating a pushover.
1. They never choose the date
Do you always do what you want? This could be an early sign that your date is trying too hard to please you. Give your partner more freedom when it comes to coming up with date ideas.
2. They want to know what you think first
They will always ask you what you think about something. When you ask them a similar question, they will want your thoughts on the matter first.
3. You feel resentment from them
You feel a quiet resentment that grows over time. If you are confident then they will probably wish they were more like you. What starts as admiration may turn into a little green-eyed monster as you spend more time together.
4. They say they are ‘fine’
They are never too tired, bored, or not enjoying something that you enjoy. You might start to wonder if they are actually human. Just because they are saying, “I am fine” does not mean they are. Keep it in mind.
5. Passive-aggressive outbursts
Surprising moments of passive-aggression might sneak through in the heat of the moment. This is not so common in the first few dates, but rather when you have been dating for a while. Although they might seem to be super-cool people, they are honestly getting tired of doing things your way all the time. They are just too scared of losing you to speak up and admit that they are not always happy and easy-breezy.
6. They have few opinions
Pushovers do not want to differ from the people they are trying to fit in with. It is too confronting and they are scared to lose their social circle. For this reason, you will not get much of an opinion out of them, unless they are sure it is an opinion that you share.
7. You initiate everything
From where to go on holiday to when to be intimate; you might start to feel like the puppet master, pulling all the strings. This is not really comfortable for either of you, but boy is it hard to talk about!
8. You see a pattern with their friends and family
Have you met their friends or family yet? You might notice a similar pattern of behavior with their nearest and dearest too. It is not just you that they are scared of loosing. Generally, pushovers behave the same in all of their relationships. They do not rock the boat because they are too scared to fall out of it.
Read also – 6 Red Flags You Two Are Not Equally Committed
So there you have it, from a reformed pushover no less. I want to tell you that we are not lost causes, but we are slightly lost people. If you want to help us, then show us how to be more confident and value ourselves more. If you show a pushover that you value them as a person then, over time and with gentle encouragement, they will relax and show you more of their real selves.