It’s very difficult to know the difference between healthy and unhealthy fights in any relationship. There are two types of arguments. The first one heals and helps you clarify a lot of things; the second one destroys and damages your relationship. Frequent and trivial arguments are usually the result of not knowing how to communicate in a proper way. When the partners allow emotions to enter the discussion, they have the risk to intensify the argument. Nowadays many couples argue to burn up energy that could be used for something else. You should do your best to present your opposing views in a respectful way. Here are 7 signs that prove you are having unhealthy fights with your significant other.
1. You don’t really want to listen
If you refuse to listen to what your partner says, you are not fighting fair, because communication is the core element of all healthy relationships. Furthermore, communication can be the tool to solve the argument. That’s why you should listen and treat your partner’s point of view with respect. If you ignore what your partner is saying and focus only on your truth, you will spoil the relationship.
2. A desire to win
A constant desire to win in a fight is one of the most obvious signs of unhealthy arguments with your beloved. Your need to win all the time makes you aggressively prove your truth. Consequently, the other one feels attacked and the argument escalates. Moreover, if you always show how clever you are and refuse to discuss the issue, the partner will feel unvalued and unheard.
3. Using anger while arguing
By all means, it is necessary to control anger while arguing with your partner. Otherwise you might say something that you will regret later. Anger is a destructive emotion that does more harm than good. The main point to avoid anger is to keep in mind that when in an argument it is best to focus on the subject of the argument, but not the other person. This anger can easily transform an innocent argument to a verbal fight. If you cannot control your flashes of anger, you’d better excuse yourself from the conversation and take a breath of fresh air. Don’t use tones and words that can hurt your partner, instead, try to settle the argument in a friendly and civilized way.
4. Arguing about the same things
If you are always arguing about the same things, you should try to find a different approach, because this one is very risky for your relationship. It often happens that old unresolved issues from the past arise in your day-to-day arguments. Your partner can be already sick and tired of hearing the same things every time you argue. You cannot change the past that’s why try to focus on the present moment and try to avoid the same problems in future.
5. You forget to take turns
I’m sure you know that when one speaks, the other should be listening, especially during the argument. It is extremely important to take turns speaking and listening. It will give both of you an opportunity to explain and say what you need. If you are very emotional and hot-tempered person, you should sometimes give in if you really love your significant other.
6. You cannot stop the argument
If your conflict is caused by serious and complicated problems, you should try to accept the fact that you are different and cannot agree with certain things. If you are not able to handle the situation, you need to find support and help from friends, family or other people. They may help you put a different complexion on the problem and find the solution of the argument.
7. Raising the voice
When you want to discuss a difficult topic with your partner, you should try to keep yourself in hand and avoid raising the voice. Just take responsibility for your emotions and talk over all disputable questions. I’m sure that it’s possible to win almost all arguments without such useless and irritating habit as raising the voice. Realize that you can make your partner feel guilty, ashamed or stupid if you raise your voice during the arguments.
If you really love and respect your partner, you should try to treat various life misunderstandings knowingly and reasonably. You cannot change the partner but you can make changes in your own life in order to keep your relationship safe and healthy. What other signs of unhealthy arguments do you know? Feel free to share your tips on how to deal with unhealthy arguments.