Why Your Love Fell Apart So Fast

Feb 9, 2017

Once upon a time, I was in a fairy tale. Love was abound, like perpetually blossoming cherry blossoms. The air was tinted with rose, and I was walking on a cloud. To me, that was love. Intoxicating. Enchanting. It was never going to disappear from my life, because I thought eternal spring had come at last. I was wrong. Winter came, washing the world of color and icing over the fire in my heart. I had forgotten how quickly love could fall apart.

When it started, it felt like love at first sight

You met each other’s eyes expectantly across a crowded street. There was excitement brewing inside the instant you utter the first hello, and it feels like the sun shines solely for the two of you. While that first meeting might have been awkward, your part knew that you had to see him again. So you do, and soon those meetings were so frequent, you forgot what life was like before this individual entered.

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Three months passed

Then one day over coffee at the usual place, he mentioned what it would be like to cohabit. Nothing ever sounded like a better idea, regardless of this being the exact opposite of what your original life intention had been. Traveling the world. Becoming an actor or some kind of famous, wandering artist. Just like that, the man you are head over heels feel captured your soul, and you let him do it.

You went out and bought cushions for the sofa. Maybe a cute knickknack or two for the mantle. The two of you mumbled over which color you would paint the apartment walls if only the landlord was less cantankerous. And slowly, you two formed a home together. You even went out on a limb one night when cooking dinner to say how amazing it all felt.

His eyes were wide with joy, and you could feel it – the glimmer of pure hope -that this was meant to be.

One year later, one of you snapped

After weeks had passed of clipped conversations and lack of information, you had enough. It is another late night at work; neither of you could get ahold of one another until he walked through the door, disgruntled as usual. Every day is filled with anxiety.

Was it something you did? You began to suspect that something was going on with someone else. Was it that new intern he mentioned? As you turned out the light in the cold room, you began to think to yourself where those starry eyes had gone. Because on that night, everything was pitch blackness. Loneliness. Depression.

That is how loves dies quickly

We give too much of ourselves too soon. In the blind delight of finding love, we lose the very thing that makes love special: the buildup of trust and compassion. When love crumbles, it is because we begin looking to the past, when things were right. We refuse to see the now. Cracks form, and since we are blind to the changes, in denial that true love can die, those cracks turn to fissures. Soon, fissures become canyons, breaking two souls apart.

Sure, you could try to patch things up. But the attraction is gone, because you have seen the distant side of another person’s soul. In fact, it is because you were convinced the love was real that it died like a moth into a flame. You were not ready. You had not looked deep enough and explored each other’s souls enough to realize you needed time.

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Love dies quickly when passion comes on too strongly. When we refuse to think through the commitment completely. Next time you fall in love, remember that there is a bottom to the rabbit hole. What you find there may be Wonderland; but for most, you will hit the end and wake up to a cold reality – that you were never in love at all.