What It Feels Like to Fall in Love for the First Time Again

Jan 12, 2018

Writing about love in the past used to be a chore for me, since I had been in love once, but it was not reciprocated, real love. So while the things I felt about my first love never truly faded, those emotions actually had no meaning in my life other than to scale how much I felt about others in comparison to a love that never took flight. I was positive I would never feel that special spark again.

Finding a new interest in love

I decided to hop aboard the wagon to Datesville (Tokyo remix); and I found myself bouncing back and forth between awkward conversations, feelings of excitement and intrigue, and more slightly uncomfortable scenarios. Were we clicking? Was this one the One? Or am I just grasping all the short straws here? So many questions were going through my mind.

I do not believe in love at first sight, but I do know someone who will play an important role in my world when we cross paths. And that is what happened when I met him, an artist for a mobile game company in Tokyo. Were there sparks? No, there were New Years Eve fireworks going off for the entire 6 hours of our first date.

I never had a first date last 6 hours or be full of conversation, especially since I was using my second language Japanese. But it felt natural, safe, and right.

Since then, we went on numerous dates, noting our similarities and differences, and then deciding to actually form a relationship. But from the beginning, the both of us knew that we would become boyfriend/girlfriend.

It is said that love is not always wild and crazy. Sometimes it is more like the smoldering tip of incense and the dancing tendrils of smoke. That is how it is for us. In public, we are both reserved, introverted people (what with me being a Virgo, and him being a token Taurus) that sometimes lapse into childish displays of affection: A well-placed swat in response to a joke; a gentle pat on the shoulder; holding hands across the dining table.

But it is the togetherness that is enjoyable beyond all else. It doesn’t matter if we are simply sitting on a park bench and watching the sunrise side-by-side. It is fun. Comfortable. Real. He does not have to buy me anything, and I am not expected to put out anything either. Everything is reciprocated. Nothing feels unfair.

When we bicker, which is rare, the situation eventually boils down to mutual understanding. Though one of us might not like the stance the other takes, we realize that opinions differ. The difference between infatuation and love, though, is that a crush would not be able to stomach those petty dissimilarities.

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What this love is

In this state, I found myself thinking that this love is unlike everything I have ever experienced before. I even surprised myself by calling it “love.” Just like that, it is there, this indescribable emotion that is enveloped in trust and recognition. There is no jealousy, no negativity, no misunderstanding, just patience, compassion, and a desire to lift him up to his fullest potential.

  • When I look over lists about true love, I can pretty much say, “Check, check, check.”
  • We are teammates who work together to get jobs done. We tag team all the time. Any competition between us is healthy.
  • If one of us succeeds at something the other failed, there is no jealousy. We simply high five one another and say, “Good job.”
  • We negotiate without making the other feel guilty.
  • When we are irritated, we do not take it out on one another. Rather, we go through excessive lengths to make sure the other person is not feeling any repercussions whatsoever.
  • Our love is like a romantic comedy, not a Disney film. There is a lot of falling, accidents, and irony.
  • We do get upset with one another, but as I mentioned before, there is no anger to be found. Getting pissed off at him and knowing this could hurt him in some way keeps me in check.

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In this light, I know it is love. Nothing feels forced when I am with him, and I can only hope that he feels the same. Though our time together feels like it has just started, there is this sense that the connection between us existed long before we ever met.

That is why it feels like I have fallen in love for the first time again, because this emotion is unlike anything I have ever felt before. Have you experienced this kind of love? Did it last?